All mommas out there have experienced it. That gut wrenching feeling of despair and hopelessness that you have let down your baby, your sweet angel, the gift that God gave you.
Yep, it's Momma guilt.
We all try desperately to give our babies what they want. We try to be there for all those important life changing events.
There is no other place on earth we'd rather be than scooting our kids along down the path of life.
But… life tends to rear it's ugly head and throw kinks and loops into our all too perfect plan.
My life if throwing a few of those loops right now.
I'm a working mother. I have to work. I love to work. I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I need the adult interaction on a daily basis. I don't mind taking my son to daycare. Grady and I both feel that it's good for him to be around the other kids all day.
Here's where my momma guilt comes in.
I don't work in my hometown. I work about 20 miles away. This poses a problem for certain events in my son's life, like preschool. We are so very fortunate to have an amazing friend, Melody, who is willing and able to take Tucker to and from preschool every week. Tucker and Mel have a very special bond and I am so grateful for her generosity in time. She's truly a blessing to us.
Normally, I would take Tucker to his first day of school, but this year is turning out to be special. We got some news about the pregnancy that is going to require at least one more ultrasound than originally expected and depending on the outcome of that, possibly more. My time off is slowly dwindling and my realistic mind tells me that I need to save all the time I have for the "possibility" of what "could" happen. So, my realistic mind says that I need to bow out on taking Tucker to his first day of school and let Melody take him instead.
This decision rips me in two. I LOVED seeing the look on Tucker's face at his first day of school last year. I love the excitement of chatter all the way there. My heart is heavy with this momma guilt, but now that I officially have two, I have to put kiddo #2 in front on this time. I realize that this is going to be something that I will have to weigh for the rest of my children's lives at home.
How do all of you mom's out there deal with the momma guilt? I'd sure love to know some of your secrets.
Peace, love and a heavy heart.