It Goes A Little Something Like This

Cowboys and their wives do NOT have conventional conversations.  Of course they talk about the usual things, supper, the kids, the weather, the neighbors, blah, blah, blah.

But, I’m pretty certain you haven’t had a phone conversation like this one…

Me: Hey, Honey, what’s up?

Grady: Oh, not much.  Just guttin’ a critter.

Me: Oh, yeah?  Have a sick one?

Grady: No, darned (replace with equal explicative) thing broke his leg.  I’m elbow deep in guts.  I’ve gotta go.

Me: Oh.  Okay.  See you tonight.  Love you.

Lose translation of this conversation is that they had a steer break a leg.  This happens on occasion, people aren’t the only ones who are accident prone.  While it isn’t uncommon to cast a CALF’S leg it would be next to impossible and ridiculous to cast a fully grown 1600 lb. steer aka “critter”.  They’d never go for that kind of restraint.  You can’t let the animal suffer so he has to be put down and since the purpose of raising cattle is for food it would be wasteful not to butcher him.  Therefore, the cowboys had to “dress” him prior to taking him to the meat locker.

Yet another example…

Me: Hey, what’s going on?

Grady: Oh, nothing, just stirrin’ the tater pit.

Me: Nasty.

Grady: Yep, but the cattle love it.

Me: Want some potato salad with supper?

Grady: No, thanks.

Loose translation.  At the feedlot the cattle eat mixtures of what they call commodities.  These are all the different things that make up the cattle’s diet on a daily basis, corn, hay, silage and other stuff.  One of the commodities are the leftover scraps from a local food producer, a commercial potato salad and coleslaw manufacturer.  This company has massive quantities of “leftover” food that has either gone bad or was the waste from their day’s production.  Rather than letting all of that go to the local dump these “leftovers” get hauled in a big truck to the feedlot and dumped into a big pit.  It’s pretty oogie looking and doesn’t make you want to go home and have potato soup, but the cattle LOVE it!!!  The “tater pit”, as the crew calls it, has to be stirred daily so that the bits and pieces that the cattle really love and are the most nourishing don’t settle to the bottom.

So, the lesson in this story is this.  Ladies, as sexy as those guys are at the top of the page, remember this.  If you think one of these fellas is the type you’d like to end up with just make sure that you’re okay with some randomly strange and not so pleasant conversations.  Oh, and those things that we were talking about on the phone…it gets on their clothes too…



Peace, love and tater slop.


One thought on “It Goes A Little Something Like This

  1. ohhhh honey you aren’t telling me anything that I haven’t heard…a reality show would go crazy on everyday life stuff like that. Ha! Chalk another mark for the Rancher’s wife list of abilities…COWBOY TRANSLATER!!!

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