Feeling Naked

I had Grady take this picture last night.

I don’t like showing this to you.  It makes me feel naked letting you see it.  I’d rather wait and show you what I look like when the goal has been reached.  The truth of the matter is that you wouldn’t know where I’d come from if the end was all I gave you.  Sure, I’m telling you about the journey, but it just isn’t the same if you can’t see it. 

I wish I had a beginning picture.  To be honest, I just don’t have many pictures of me.  I’m always the one behind the camera.

This version of me is 13 pounds less than I was on March 1st when I started this journey.  Honestly, I hate this picture and I love this picture.  I hate it because it is NOT where I want to be.  This is NOT how I picture myself.  Sometimes our own self-image can be so deceiving. 

You know how you make those comments under your breath when you’re at the mall and you see that one lady who is wearing the most atrocious outfit and you wonder how she even left the house looking like that.  Well…something in her head told her that she looked good.  Something in her head convinced her that it was okay to look that way.  That’s kind of how I was beginning to feel.  Yes, my goal is another 20 pounds, but I was starting to see my stomach slimming, my face thinning slightly, my chest minimizing, my love handles fading.  It was all going DOWN.  I was starting to feel good about how I looked, which is GREAT.  But the truth of the matter is that this still is NOT how I want to look.  And that’s why I love this picture… because it proves to me that this is NOT where I want to be.  Yes, I have done very well.  I have a lot to be proud of, but I don’t want to lose sight of the goal and I am NOT there yet.  This picture is keeping everything in perspective.

And, I hate this picture because no matter how comfy those blue shorts are…they are EXTREMELY unflattering!!!  And, I love this picture because I now know not to ever wear them in public again.

Peace, love and total exposure!!!

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