Reflections and Heaviness

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We’ve all faced those moments in life when we’re forced to recognize that certain relationships are changing and not necessarily changing in a way we want.  It could be a relationship with a spouse, friend, relative, co-worker, church member… anyone, really.  We’ve all been down this path.  You wake up one day, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “This isn’t the same.”  Then you start that gut wrenching process of figuring it out.

WHAT changed?

WHY did it change?

Could I be the reason for the change?

Did I DO something and if so, WHAT did I do?

Have I changed?

Have THEY changed?

Of course sorting it all out within oneself is never an easy process.  If you’re like me, you’re your own worst critic.  You, of course, start blaming yourself and all your personality flaws.  “If I can’t stand these things about me then why on earth would anyone else want to put up with it?”  But in the same breath, you tell yourself that we’re all unique and God teaches us to accept and love one another, flaws and all.

It’s these very flaws and unique qualities within each of us that make us so very special and one of a kind.  Right?  “If I go to great lengths to squash these qualities am I still being true to myself or am I conforming to what others want me to be?”  What one may see as a weakness another sees as a strength and vice versa.

This “sorting process” can cause great distress and turmoil in our own hearts.  We all just want acceptance and love from others.  We want reassurance that those we go to great lengths to love and support would do the same for us when life asks them to.  We all want to know that just because our life may not mirror the one standing next to us we are still deemed as worthy, valuable and good by them.

I try very hard to love the skin I’m in.  It’s mine and no one else’s.  I’ll fully admit that some days are much easier than others.  I don’t try to be like anyone else and I would pray that no one wants to be just like me because that would be doing a disservice to themselves and the plan God has for them.

So, I continue to sit and “sort”.  I spend time with God asking lots of questions and being patient in waiting for the answers.  I hold strong to the positives in my life and love hard even when I feel I may not be in return.  I know the answers will come and the relationships will work themselves out as God sees fit.



Peace, love and inner strength!!!


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